Notice Notice!

So the day came.

I was just one hit away from handing over my resignation.

For past couple of years, I managed some hypothetically extremely critical operations to save zillions of money to some hypothetical business. At least I was told so!
I remember my boss screaming me apart on my first day, "they did not teach you Excel?? What am I gonna do with you?!!". Well yea Boss, I got 99 subjects but an MS-Excel ain't one!! How stupid of me!

Devilish smile reappeared, finger poised on mouse, eyes fixated on 'SEND' and hit!

Rel....lieved!!!

Well, not so much.

Folks, a typical notice period has two phases-

1) Role-reversal mode-  For the first time ever, You're in a position of importance.
"You know Sikandar, Your leaving will be an irreparable loss to us. We can not even imagine how this whole organization thingy is gonna work out without you. You sure, you not wanna drop your resignation and have a coffee with us or.. err the CEO?".

"Umm I am honored sir. But my decision is final to go for blah blah blah. Please rise up from the floor and sit on the chair. here here, my handkerchief sir."

The manager thinking meanwhile- "Arghh this attrition rate is bleeding my performance rating! these dumbasses!!"

You walk out of that meeting room like a Hero! and the first phase, the good phase, is over..

2) You-wish-you-had-rather-been-jobless mode-  Okay, first of all He stares at you whenever possible. When you finally work your way around in ignoring him, he invites you for a meeting.

"Hey Parasite, Let's have a close connect on how things are gonna be like going forward!".
"Oh, okay!".

----Meeting room scene 1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Lord: "So what are you doing now a days?"
Me Minion: "Just the usual, Sir!"
My Lord: "Okay, here is the plan. Transition all that you know to Alexander. Make Word, Excel, Technical, flow chart docs, a magical wand. A layman should be able to do your jobs going through them. If any of his doubts remain, your LWD gets extended. We clear?"
Me Minion: "Arr yes, Sir!"
My Lord: "Close this by next Friday."
Me Minion: (chocking) "okay, sir!".

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You work your ass off. While colleagues come, pat your back and loud-speaker around "Sahi hai! Ab to khoob aish, hain? party kab!!?". "Get off me!”

Your party is scheduled! Your manager is present with his eyes skewering you alive just like the skewered chicken lying in his plate. He keeps jumping in with data points- "She did not let off even a hint that she is preparing to leave, No?, Hmm. So tell me, the leave you took that time mentioning your mother's illness was for the interview preps, No? Hmm. We could have been better prepared, had we known!, No? Hmm. You backstabbing bastarddd!!"

<2 weeks later>

"Hey Parasite, Let's have a close connect on how things are gonna be like going forward!".
"umm, okay.".

----Meeting room scene 2----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Lord: "So, What are you doing now a days?"
Me Minion: (beaming) "Transition successfully done. Documents ready. There is no dependency on me now, sir!"
My Lord: "Okay Okay."
Me Minion: (With puppy eyes) "Arr Sir, When I can expect my LWD now? I was hoping it to be 1 month or.."
My Lord: "I see. I forgot telling you before (just like you forgot telling me your idea of quitting. In your face aha!). Alexander is not the one. We are getting someone else in. Arr, We don’t know who he/she should be. We will let you know once we know."
Me Minion: (fainting) "sir, but.. begging, begging, more begging"
My Lord: "Try to understand. Dismisse."

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<1 week later>

"Hey Parasite, Let's have a close connect on how things are gonna be like going forward!"
"A group meeting!? Less focus. Less worry. Hmm (thinking)".

----Meeting room scene 3----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Lord: "So, What are you doing now a days? (Dafaq I was supposed to do?!!)  Never mind. This is Alexander-2. He is a fresher. Alexander-2, Introduce yourself."
Alexender-2: (sticky hair. spectacled. uncomfortably big smile) "Good afternoon! myself Alexander-2. I did my B.tech from ...”
My Lord: "Ahem. that's enough Alexender-2! Start your training."

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The problem with the freshers is that they are sentimental question-banks and they believe that seniors know it all!
Me: "Double click the tool icon. Copy paste these SQL statements from the word doc. Hit 'Run' button. ok?"
Ranchhordas:" what is this button next to 'Run', 'query process plan and statistics'?"
Me: (Blank) "We don't use it. (My lord's voice echoing- If any doubts remain, I will extend your LWD) Umm, Give me a minute. Go play with your Office communicator till then."
Ranchhordas: "NO, I wanna see how you do this" (Same bloodsucking smile)
Me: (shamelessly opening Google) "Next time you have a question, google it out."
 (Go hate me)
Ranchhordas: (Clearly unimpressed) "??!!"

<3 weeks later>

----Meeting room scene 3----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Lord: "So, What are you doing now a days?"
Me minion: (elated) "Transition successfully completed sir. There is no dependency on me now. I am all free and ready to be relieved, sir!"
My Lord: "I see. I forgot telling you before. One of our resources is gonna be on leave for 2 weeks. I decided you to be his replacement.
Me minion: (WTF!!) "What? Who??" (Why???)
My Lord: "You don’t know him. He is from the team XYZ using technology Hot-skill-$$$. The technology you always wanted to work on but we never let you. Finally, congrats!"
Me minion: "but, I don’t have any idea what they do!"
My Lord: "don’t worry, We'll train you."
Me Minion: (FFFF!!) " What! there is no point training me now! My college starts in 3 weeks” .. begging, crying, rolling on floor crying.
My Lord: "You know what, I never appreciated your laid-back attitude. Organization does not pay you for this. If you're charging 9 hours, You ought to utilize all of 'em! No questioning on this, Parasite!"
Me minion: "??!!" (blink blink silent stare)
My Lord: (opening his brahmastra) "Talk to HR."

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Well, I am gonna be an HR in 2 years from now. I am particularly fond of the way they project to be busy, all the time! Although mostly they are found in cafe, stylish and chic, laughing with diverse set of people, checking on decoration of purposeless events, smiling into phone screen and playing with their hair while resolving employee-grievances, meanwhile devising new stories on "how great this organization is!" and etc. I am fascinated by them and I wanna be one of them and why one should not!

So, we all know how this must have worked.

I contacted the HR. She seems fine with any date of my choice. She contacts my manager. She contacts me, she sounds possessed by my manager, she declines any help. Matter over.

<Flag down>

Fellas! So in my last days here, I am burning my brain cells over a technology totally strange to me and fighting my way around it. Damn all those people who told me notice is a honeymoon period! I am busier than I ever was. And when I am not, I fake it! Take a few pointers- roam around but strictly with a paper in hand, come seconds before your manager, leave seconds after him, If he does not leave you leave your bag there and come next morning, walk off as if nothing happened and look mostly sad. Yeah right.. writing this post in office was again an attempt on looking busy. Drop me a message for more such pointers.

Life does educate us via a variety of means. Thanks to my dear manager for making my life not so much of a bed of roses. Inured me, yeah Ready!!

Arr potential employers, Please don’t judge my working habits from this. :|
Back to work.

Speeding shadows.

Can you remember?

When I was 8, We lived in our old house. Houses with families living for tens of years in the old colony. In those days we used to recognize more than just one guardian. Each adult in neighborhood contributed in lecturing, scolding and occasionally keeping our secrets to save the well deserved beating from mom. They knew us, understood us. It was a large family with the big old uncle tree visible from every corner of the colony.

The banyan was the most amusing thing we had seen in those days. Lying on the grass, breaking twigs, We counted its branches and tried to tell monkeys apart, identifying which is mother of which. Wow, the mild sun of winters!.. the godly time to let the warmness take over the brain, get high and let it loose to wander.

Those Sunday noons started with jalebi, progressed towards switching between the games in the ground, at times convincing boys to let us join their cricket & football; Although we were declared out of the game very soon as we sucked at rules. Made victims of planned conspiracy by wicked minds in those days! I suppose they might have become cons of expertise by now. Huh!

Anyway, running behind the ball and bringing it back from inside the drain water was no less than heroism. Greater the difficulty, the longer you get to boast about it. Also, The VIP treatment received from the big brothers- Sitting on roof-rails with their shades on our eyes, We watched the kite-fight in the bright white sky.. yes yes we looked toons but then who cared!

Passing shirt to big brother when he came back without one from a fight. "Mom must not know!", He kept whispering from down stairs with heavy breaths. I hushed my tears seeing his red face lest we both be having redder ones. A brave brother and a smart sister- A formidable pair for keeping troubles at bay. The partnership continues till date; Only that troubles got bigger and stakes got riskier.

All things end But the good ones lot faster. Those days ended too.. in dull melancholy of setting sun.. when everyone went back inside the house, tired and sweating.

Then I sat there beside the window. The window offered so much to be seen, heard and felt from beyond and became my first teacher!.. urging me to Write 'something' down, and I did write. Well, That collection of my brain-children, in form of a 'tangible' diary, stores outputs from the bare milligrams of brain I possessed back then. Few pages of it are swung open in family evenings to make them more amusing, till date.

Memories are countless, never alone; associated with many more trails, one after other.. tangled yet bright.

Sitting in the corner, clutching sleeping mom's saree corner, staring at the empty open ground through the window, against the setting sun, I hoped for them to come out again and for my chance to breakout, to fall, to get hurt, to laugh and to shout at my peak voice. I wondered why time goes by so slowly for those who wait.

I am still there. My very soul stayed there. Waiting.. wanting.. living and reliving the very same time.. wondering what happened to the slow pace of time!

Although my shadows sped ahead with it.. but perhaps only the shadows!